Saturday, October 24, 2009

Dealing with TEENAGERS,,,,

Nowadays,children especially the teenagers tends to retailiate when their parents point out their wrong doings and etc. For most parents, dealing with teenagers is the most challenging role in the lifetime of their children.

A problem for all parents
The problem of dealing with teenagers is something that can be felt from Muslim and non-Muslim parents alike. The mindset and situation of some teenagers can be summarised as follows
• Trying to find their own place in the world
• Desire to experiment and find out what is best for them
• often rebel against the ways of their parents
• Can be tempted by many things such as the opposite sex, alcohol etc
• Can get involved with the wrong crowd

The above may surprise or even come as a shock to Muslim parents, but it does happen
to Muslim children. Below are some general tips for dealing with Muslim teenagers.

Start Early
We should teach them from an early age about Allah, the Prophets, the Sahaba, and the great heroes of Islam. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
“Every child is born with a true faith of Islam (i.e. to worship none but Allah Alone) but his parents convert him to Judaism, Christianity or Magainism.”

If we develop in them a love for Islam and provide them with righteous examples for their heroes, they will be much less likely to go astray inshaAllah. Although this is not guaranteed to succeed, you will encounter less resistance the earlier you start.

A person wants to be like his heroes. If he admires Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), Abu Bakr, and Ali, he will try to follow their example. If he admires movie or sports starts, he will want to be like them. If we inspire our children with good examples, when they are tempted to do wrong, they will, InshaAllah, remember these examples and remain steadfast.

Good company
During the teenage years, children often care more about what their friends say than what their parents or elders say so the need for good friends is obvious.
The beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) is reported to have said:
“A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend,”
Abu Dawood and Tirmidhi

If our children have good, sincere, and righteous friends, the chances are good that our children will be like them. If, on the other hand, our children hang around with children who take drugs and get into trouble, our children will likely do the same.
Therefore, it is essential from an early age that we try to get our children involved with good children. One way to encourage this is by regularly taking them to the mosque or by sending them to an Islamic school where they will have the opportunity to meet Muslim children.

Keep them busy with good
We should encourage our children to participate in wholesome religious, social, and sports activities. When we prevent them from going to parties and so on, we should make sure we give them halal alternatives otherwise they may think that in Islam, “Everything is haram.” This is a key way Satan deceives teenagers and people in general - by beautifying the haram and making the halal seem boring.
Bored teenagers are more likely to look for fun and excitement in the wrong place. “Idle hands are the devil’s (shaytan’s) workshop,” someone once said. If teenagers’ lives are full of good and exciting things to do, they will not have the time or the desire to get involved in bad things.

Treat them like adults
If we haven’t done so already, now is a good time to start letting our children become a part of the family decision making process. Shura or consultation is an important principle in Islam. Although the parents will usually get the “final say,” it is important to give the children a chance to provide input and express their opinions.

If teenagers feel that they have the right to make some of their own decisions and even to help make some of the family’s decisions, they will not feel that they have to rebel against an oppressive family that is always telling them what to do. During this process we should remember not ridicule and trample on their opinions and enthusiasm.

Parents aren’t always right
We should sometimes admit that we are wrong. Parents make mistakes. If we admit to our children that we are wrong at times, they will not always feel that they have to rebel against us and prove that we are wrong.

Give them attention
In today’s busy and materialistic lifestyle, we forget how important it is to give teenagers (and children in general) attention. This is not something that can be replaced by buying them presents or giving them more pocket money.
Sometimes, children act out in order to get our attention. If we give them our attention freely, they will not have to seek it in destructive ways. Also, by listening to our children, there is a greater chance that they will confide in us and ask us questions, rather than seeking answers from negative sources.

Leading by example
Teenagers hate hypocrisy, and many of them seem to have a built-in radar for detecting it. If we want them to listen to us and take our advice, they must trust us. We will lose respect if they see us doing something we tell them not to. Allah says:
“O you who believe! Why do you say that which you do not do? Most hateful it is with Allaah that you say that which you do not do”
Qur’an 61:2-3

Make Dua
The teenage years are usually difficult, and parents need to prepare for them before they arrive. If parents have built a strong, trusting, and loving relationship with their children before the teenage years, their children will be less likely to go astray.

At the end of the day, parents should do as much as they can to instill in their child the right values, but remember that guidance is up to Allah. After doing all we can, we must put our trust in Allah and we should always be asking Allah to guide us and our children, regardless what age they are.

Article taken from :


Anonymous said...

tob'an ya ummi..

anakanda terase amt insaf n terharu lps bce artikel ummi niy..

penulisan yg amt menyentuh hati.
sbg remaja kter juge haruslah mendegr nasihat ibu bape kter x kre bgmn care mereka menegur kte..
kerane stp teguran i2 membawe kejayaan kpd kter..insha-Allah


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