Saturday, December 26, 2009

The Truth about Failure:




Failure doesn't mean you are a failure, it does mean you haven't succeeded yet.

Failure doesn't mean you have accomplished nothing, it does mean you have learned something.

Failure doesn't mean you have been a fool, it does mean you had a lot of faith.

Failure doesn't mean you have been disgraced, it does mean you were willing to try.

Failure doesn't mean you don't have it, it does mean you have to do something in a different way.

Failure doesn't mean you are inferior, it does mean you are not perfect.

Failure doesn't mean you've wasted your life, it does mean you've got a reason to start afresh.

Failure doesn't mean you should give up, it does mean you should try harder.

Failure doesn't mean you'll never make it, it does mean it will take a little longer.

Failure doesn't mean God has abandoned you, it does mean God has a better idea!







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Friday, December 25, 2009

Be "A Good Listener" +" How to Respond":






If your friend comes to you asking for advice, chances are he doesn't really want to be told what to do; he really wants you to listen to him. If you have prepared yourself to be a person who can be trusted by learning to be a counselor, people will love to come to you to get things off their chest and just unload.

Counselors are primarily listeners. Don't underestimate the great positive affect of listening to someone who is having problems. Listening and responding appropriately help the troubled person to identify his dilemmas, explore the options, and come away feeling refreshed and that something useful has happened.

You, the listener, have the responsibility to remember the smallest details of the conversation. You have to convince your friend that you are really listening; this means you won't have to ask your friend more than one time the names of his relatives or any other important fundamental information.

While counseling your friend, all your attention should be focused on him and on what he is telling you. To let him know that he has your full attention, you should give what is called "minimal responses."

These minimal responses are what we naturally do when we are listening more than talking. Counseling is the art of listening constructively, so learning this art of minimal responses is essential.

Such responses can be non-verbal, like a nod of the head, or expressions such as "Aha," "Uh hum," "Yes," "OK," and "Right". Your friend will be doing most of the talking so from time to time you must reaffirm that you are listening to what he is saying.

You must be wise when you use these minimal responses; for example, if you give them too frequently, they will be distracting. If they're too infrequent, your friend may think you are not listening. At the same time, you must empathize (share the same feelings) with your friend. Your speed of talking and tone should match that of your friend. For example, if he is telling a sad story, a bright cheery "right" from you would be inappropriate.

Minimal responses can also be a subtle way of communicating other messages. These messages may be used to show that you agree with your friend, emphasize the importance of a statement, or to express surprise, disappointment, and so on. A message is carried to your friend through the combination of your tone of voice, accompanying non-verbal behavior, facial expressions, and body posture.

Phrases can also be used, for example, "I hear what you say," and "I understand." You can also match your friend's non-verbal behavior. If he is sitting on the edge of his seat, you could sit in the same way and mirror your friend's posture.

This makes your friend feel you are close to him because you do not sit back like you are in a superior position, listening to and judging what is being said. If you match your friend's posture, your friend will feel more at ease.

If you mirror your friend's posture and non-verbal behavior, it is most likely that your friend will match your behavior. In this way, you can bring about a change in your friend's emotional state. For instance, if your friend is anxious and breathing heavily and you match this to some extent, then ease off, chances are your friend will relax too. Slow down your rate of breathing, speaking speed, and sit back comfortably in your chair. This change should be done slowly and naturally and never interrupt your friend's train of thought.

Keeping steady and natural eye contact is also important, also don't stare too much but it's fine to look away from time to time. It is most beneficial to be friendly and real than to appear competent. Do not feel uncomfortable with silence — allow your friend to think in silence, without pressure. Even when silent, however, show your friend that you are paying full attention to him. Counseling is a natural process.

By Latiefa Achmat
Latiefa Achmat is an Islamic counselor and social worker in Cape Town, South Africa.

Source:IslamOnline.net




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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Al-Muhasabah:On being honest with oneself


To take account of oneself, that is, to undergo honest selfcriticism, is part of the Muslim practice al-muhasabah, or self-inventory. According to the Companion Umar ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, to engage in al-muhasabah is to "assess and adjudge yourselves before you are assessed and adjudged on the Day of Judgment, and to weigh out your deeds, before they are weighed out for you." Umar, a man of his word, reportedly used to whip his right foot at night and say to it "What have you done today?"

Another Companion, Maymun ibn Mahran, said: "A pious person cautiously examines and adjudges himself more than he would a tyrant ruler or a tight-fisted partner!"
The notable first Islamic century sage, Al-Hasan Al-Basri, offers a more detailed explanation of al-muhasabah. "A believer polices himself [or one might say, his own soul]. He assesses and adjudges [himself] for the sake of Allah.The Final Judgment [of God] may end up mild for some simply because they were quick to adjudge themselves in this life. Or the Final Judgment on the Day of Resurrection may end up a tough ordeal for some who were unconcerned about what they did in this life, thinking they would not be called to account."

What we see from these sterling predecessors of ours is that honest self-criticism is an important way to purify our souls and to light the path of blissful success. Allah states in His Book: "Truly he has succeeded who purifies it.And truly, he has failed who defiles it" [91:9-10].

Self-criticism seems like a fairly straightforward concept.The activity that makes it possible, however-namely, honesty with oneself-is exceedingly hard to come by, for it requires admission of our wrongdoings whenever such actions escape us. It means acknowledgement within ourselves that we have committed a sin, whether against our own souls or others, be it our Creator or anyone or anything in creation. For most of us, such a confession is an incredibly tough thing to do.

Pride prevents some of us from owning our faults, especially before people when that is necessary.The souls of others grow facile at justifying any indecent behavior or false belief. Another problem, particularly for those of us still surging with youth, is the misconception that honest self-criticism prevents us from that ultimate youthful quest, "having fun."

It behooves us to recall that being honest with ourselves is actually a way to enjoy life, rather than make it tougher. It is a fact (scary for many) that the very best way to prevent ourselves from committing haram acts is to really investigate whether or not such activities are permissible in Islam. For one, many of the things people classify as socially forbidden are actually very much halal, which we deny ourselves to escape the judgment of people, not Allah.

More deeply, haram acts, knowingly committed or not, for a fact necessarily result in making life truly less pleasurable, if not immediately for us then for many others, for their nature is to damage the human spirit, the condition of individuals and societies, and the balance of the world.The Qur'an states this beautifully about those who reject its revealed truth on pretext: "Who is further astray than one who is in uttermost schism [with its truth]?" [41:52].

It is a superficial reading to look at this as merely rejecting Islam. Rather, it is about denying within ourselves what our souls know to be truth-like denying we've done wrong even though we know we did.The Qur'an says such people live a life of misery, full of contradiction, which is a great source of mental pain.

So carefully questioning our actions-past and present- makes life easier because it makes the path to God, the path to peace, much smoother. It is redundant to say all human beings err, but not admitting our specific mistakes, now that is playing with fire. An honest approach to our behavior is to willingly acknowledge the shortcomings in our actions and, at least to ourselves, the flaws in our character.This is the first step to disburdening ourselves of guilt, which has its function, but which left to fester can quickly and lethally metastasize.

The Qur'an tells us clearly and often that our books of deeds are like meticulously preserved records, precise chronicles of all that we ever said and did, righteous or not.With the exception of a rare few, everyone will stand witness in the Divine Judgment of their own earthly deeds. Hence, in this life, it makes profound sense to take note of our own deeds, with most of our focus on the actions we need to improve or eliminate, seeking forgiveness for all our substandard performance. Remembering what may be less than perfect about us is a prime way to prepare for the Day of Judgment. Indeed, confessing our faults, to ourselves and God, and then doing our best to eliminate them from our behavior is an act of high eman, one we shall see again on the positive side of our records.

Sins are a legitimate source of worry, no doubt.To reflect on them is actually necessary, for coming to terms with our sins, that is, acknowledging them-that we are at fault for our offenses against God or His creation is to affirm our proper belief and faith.

The pathway to this proper faith is to assess our own actions with total honesty, which requires of us genuine (and frequent) meditations in self-criticism. That is muhasabah. I have found that verbalizing these unpleasant realities about my deeds and myself is invaluable in my muhasabah sessions. Statements like: "I have a tendency to berate others when I don't get my way," or, "I have been yelling at my parents for far too long now."

The next step entails planning to counteract these unfavorable tendencies until they are altogether eliminated. Take heed! Without self-honesty, there is no muhasabah. I like the way a famous French proverb puts it: "A fault denied is twice committed."

Copied from: al-Jumaah.com




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Friday, December 18, 2009

Be good to your neighbours









Narrated Abdullah ibn Umar: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: The best friend in the sight of Allah is he who is the well-wisher of his companions, and the best neighbour is one who behaves best towards his neighbours. Al-Tirmidhi, Number 120

Narrated AbuDharr: Allah’s Apostle (peace be upon him) said: AbuDharr, when you prepare the broth, add water to that and give that (as a present) to your neighbour. -- Sahih Muslim, 1208

Narrated by Ibn ‘Abbas told Ibn az-Zubayr, “I heard the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, ‘A man is not a believer who fills his stomach while his neighbour is hungry.’” Al-Adab al-Mufrad Al-Bukhar, IV 61, 112

Certain specific rights of the neighbours

Mu’awiya lbn Haidah relates that the Prophet of Allah (S.A.W.) said “The rights of the neighbour upon you are that;
• If he falls ill you visit (and take care of) him;
• if he dies you attend his funeral (and take part in the burial arrangements);
• if he commits an evil deed, you prevent it from being known (i.e. do not give publicity to it);
• if he is favoured by good-fortune, you congratulate him;
• if a calamity befalls him, you grieve in sympathy with him;
• you restrain from erecting your building higher than his in such away that the passage of fresh air is blocked from his house (unless you obtained his consent) and further,
• (you take care that) the aroma of your cooking pot does not cause sorrow to him (and his children) except that you send some of it (the food) to him.”
Tafseer Roohul Bayaan part 5 p530

Always remember when doing a good deed, have the correct intention/niyyah, do it for Allah’s pleasure with sincerity. May all our good deeds be accepted. InshaAllah.






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Saturday, December 12, 2009

SEEK,ACQUIRE and DISSEMANTE ISLAMIC KNOWLEDGE





Allah (SWT) says in the Holy Qur’an in Surah Al Baqarah, “He grants wisdom (Hikmah) to whom He pleased; and to whom wisdom (Hikmah) is granted receive indeed a benefit overflowing; but none will grasp the Message but men of understanding” (2:269). This ayah, as well as others in the Holy Qur’an, illustrates to us the importance of knowing and understanding our beautiful religion. Without knowledge of our Deen we run the risk of falling into misguidance and innovation, and that misguidance could ultimately lead us to the Hellfire.

Allah’s Messenger (SAW) used to say in every Friday khutba, “The best discourse is the Book of Allah and the best guidance is the guidance of Muhammad, the Messenger of Allah, and the worst matter is that of innovation and every innovation is misleading.” Thus it is imperative we know that what we are practising and passing along to our children comes from the Qur’an and the Sunnah of our Prophet Muhammad (SAW). Allah has made it obligatory upon every believing individual, male and female alike, to have a basic understanding of our religion. Without posessing knowledge of our faith we ultimately harm ourselves and those whom we try to teach about Islam. We live in a time in which there is so much wrong information circulating about Islam and Muslims and within the Muslim world itself. It is therefore our responsibility as believers to make sure we are on right guidance for ourselves and for those who may want to know about our perfect Deen.

We must first and foremost set out on the pursuit of religious knowledge for the sake of Allah (SWT) alone, because the sin of an insincere seeker of knowledge is great. Call to mind the first three people to be thrown into the Hellfire. Narrated Abu Hurairah (RA): “…Then there will be brought forward a man who acquired knowledge and imparted it (to others) and recited the Qur’an. He will be brought, Allah will make him recount his blessings and he will recount them (and admit having enjoyed them in his lifetime). Then Allah will ask: What did you do (to requite these blessings)? He will say” I acquired knoweldge and disseminated it and recited the Qur’an, seeking Thy pleasure. Allah will say: You have told a lie. You acquired knowldege so that you might be called “a scholar”, and you recited the Qur’an so that it might be said: “He is a Qari” and such has been said. Then orders will be passed against him and he shall be dragged with his face downward and cast into the Fire…” (Sahih Musilim: Book 19, #4688).

A sincere seeker of knowledge, however, receives great belssings from Allah (SAW). Narrated Abu Hurairah (RA): Allah’s Apostle (SAW) said, “He who treads the path in search of knowledge, Allah will make that path easy, leading to Paradise for him and those persons who assemble in one of the houses (mosques) of Allah, recite the Book of Allah and learn and teach the Qur’an (among themselves). There will descend upon them tranquility, mercy will cover them, the angels will surround them and Allah will mention them in the presence of those near Him. (Sahih Muslim: Book 34, #6518).
Acquiring sound knowledge of Islam takes a lifetime of study, but the benefits gained from the sincere pursuit of that knowledge are immense. In a Hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) it is said that if Allah (SWT) wants to do good to a person, He makes him comprehend the religion, the understanding of the Qur’an and the Sunnah. In another Hadith of the Prophet (SAW) we learn the superiority of a person who learns Islam and then teaches it to others.

Seeking Islamic knowledge is of great importance. We must do so sincerely, however, and with a pure heart. If we seek to gain religious knowledge sincerely, and only for the sake of Allah (SWT), He will reward us with a great and generous reward. We must always remember that we not only have a responsibility to our selves to learn our Deen, but we are responsible for teaching our children Islam, and for bringing Islam to non Muslims. That is why it is so important we teach only sound, reliable information from the Qur’an and Sunnah. If we cannot bring forth reliable evidence to enforce a piece of knowledge, then we must be silent. We have to then seek answers from a person who has already acquired such knowledge, and make sure that person is fully capable of imparting religious knowledge to others.

One of the signs of the Last Day is that religious knowledge will be taken away, and we will be taught by those who have no knowledge. Narrated Abdullah bin Amr bin Al-Aas (RA): I heard Allah’s Messenger (SAW) saying, “Allah does not take away the knowledge, by taking it away from (the hearts of) the people, but takes it away by the death of the religious learned men till when none of the (religious learned men) remains, people will take as their leaders ignorant persons who when consulted will give their verdict without knowledge. So they will go astray and will lead the people astray” (Summarized Sahih Al-Bukhari: Book 3, Chapter 24, #86).

I know that none of us wants to stray from the Straight Path, or lead anyone else from the Straight Path either. So we must try our best to acquire knowledge that is of benefit to ourselves, our children, and others. We must strive to be from the knowledgeable. Narrated Ibn Masud: I heard the Prophet (SAW) saying, “There is no envy except in two: A person whom Allah has given wealth and he spends it in the right way, and a person whom Allah has given wisdom (i.e. religious knowledge) and he gives his decisions accordingly and teaches it to others” (Sahih Al-BukhariL Volume 2, Book 24, #490).

Remember, once we have learned something we must pass it on to others. Narrated Abu Hurairah (RA): Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said: “When a man dies, his acts come to an end, but three, recurring charity, or knowledge (by which people) benefit, or a pious son, who prays for him (the deceased)” (Sahih Muslim: Book 12, #4005).
Say…”O my Lord advance me in knowledge: (Qur’an, 20:114). I pray Allah (SWT) makes it easy on all of us, and guides us all ever closer to the Straight Path. Amin.




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THE DIFFERENT TYPES OF LOVE



Firstly: loving for the sake of Allah and loving what Allah and His Messenger love. This is how a Muslim should be. Ibn Al-Qayyim said about this type of love:

"There are four types of love where one must differentiate between …They are:

A: Loving Allah only.

B: Loving what Allah loves. This leads one to enter Islam and depart infidelity. The most beloved ones by Allah are those who posses much of this type of love.

C: Loving for the sake of Allah. This is a requirement of loving what Allah loves.

D: Loving with Allah. This is the Shirk of Love. Everyone who loves something with the love of Allah, not for the sake of Allah, then he has associated a partner with Him.

Secondly: loving lawful things, such as food, clothes or drinks. This love is normal.

Thirdly: sympathetic loving, such as loving your children or wife. This love is normal.

Fourthly: loving others equal or more than the love of Allaah. This is major Shirk."

Source: Islamweb.net




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THE MEANING OF "LOVE"






IT is so common that the meaning of love has been restricted in the modern age to the love relationship between a man and a woman. This is a very narrow-minded view of love. Islam has is own comprehensive view of love.


The first type of love that Islam calls for is the Love of Allah, praise be to Him. This love makes you avoid committing sins in order not to make whom you love, Allah, get angry with you. This love also urges you to contemplate all the different aspect of nature that usually lead you to have a deeper faith in the Creator who created all this beauty round us.


The second type of love is the love of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). This love also makes you follow the example of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) in all his dealings and manners. Also this love is an indication of the love of Allah as stated in the Holy Qur'an, "Say: 'If you do love Allah, Follow me: Allah will love you and forgive you your sins: For Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.'" Say: "Obey Allah and His Messenger: But if they turn back, Allah loves not those who reject Faith." (Qur'an, 3:31-32)


The third type of love is human love. It means that the Muslim has to love his other fellow men regardless of their ethnic, linguistic or cultural background. This includes love of neighbors, colleagues, relatives and even strangers. This type of love persuades the Muslim to help anybody whenever he can. There are numerous of Ahadith that exhort Muslims to help anybody who really needs help because such an altruistic act takes the Muslim one step closer to Allah.


The fourth type of love is the love between a man and a woman, but Islam organizes and regulates these lofty feelings within the framework of marriage because Islam views that marital love leads the couple to have a peaceful and happy family life, which is the core of the Muslim society.


In other words, this love is acceptable as long as it is within the framework of marriage and this is encouraged in a number of verses in the Holy Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put affection and mercy between you: verily in that are indeed signs for those who reflect: (Qur'an, 30:21)


Source: The Beauty Of Islam
Written by :Sarah




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