COMPANIONSHIP & FRIENDSHIP in ISLAM

There are friends who remain true and trustful under all circumstances and there are friends who remain with you only desiring the good. Islam urges to have cordial relations with others and to avoid corruption and the harmful effects of the company of the wicked and the mischievous, strictly forbidding every kind of contact and intimacy with them.

The first kind of friend are very few, and their friendship is like a mirror to you. In deed, we must be fair to our friends, and must want for them that which we want for ourselves. Nabi Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Waalihi Wa Salam) said,"A true believer is a mirror to his brother. He prevents him from any harm." Friends wish well for their friends, and feel a strong grief when they see them in any kind of distress or suffering. They work hard by all means, by their wealth and their hands to restore the rights of their friends, and give them all the help they need. They keep the secrets of their friends. This kind of friendship is the basic necessity of social life.

Nabi Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Waalihi Wa Salam) said,"A person follows the ways and conducts of his friends." On the other hand, one encounters fools, avaricious, people cowards, and liars. The fool wants to help others, but cause more harm to them despite good intentions. The avaricious one takes but does not give back to anyone. The coward flees at the smallest danger, abandoning everyone. And the liar does not benefit others, brings animosity and resentment, and causes serious damage to others. Also, the liar is not trusted even if he/she is telling the truth. It is reported,"As for a liar, life with him can never be pleasant for you. He carries tales from you to others and from others to you. If he gives you a true report, a false one follows it. His reputation is slurred. So much so that when he says something true, nobody believes him.

Due to the enmity which he entertains in his heart for people, he estranges them from one another and creates malice in their hearts. Be careful and do your duty to Allah." These kinds of individuals might call themselves as your friends, but they do more ill-service to you as well as to the society and in the long run. It is adviced,"Avoid the company of the vicious, because your character would pick up their degenerate and deviant qualities without your knowing it." The Glorious Qur'an says,"O woe is me! Would that I had not taken such a one as my friend."25:28

There are many characterizes of true friends: their heart and face should be alike, they should be honest with their friends and show them both the good and the bad side: wealth and children should not change them; they should help whenever able to do so, and they should not leave their friends during difficulties.

To choose a friend, one must assess his real worth. One must bear in mind that temperaments and personalities are associated with one, relationships with others. Nabi Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Waalihi Wa Salam) said,"Every Muslim should try to select the best companion for the life span. A companion could be a friend from the same gender. If the companion is to be from the other gender, then that companion should be a spouse to live together within the confines of rules and regulations." Our beloved Nabiy (Sallallahu Alayhi Waalihi Wasalam) encouraged us to select a good friend with whom to share our feelings. He said,"Don't take a companion unless he is a believer; and don't let your food be eaten except by a godly person." Also, one must take a friend for who he or she is as an individual, and not force them to conform with one's warp and ideas, so long as everything remains within the boundaries of Islam.

Muslims are advised by the Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi Waalihi Wasalam) to select a good friend to associate with, and to have him as a social companion in life. By selecting a good companion, to be a friend, a Muslim enriches his/her life. Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi Waalihi Wasalam) said,"The similitude of a good companion is like an owner of musk; if you don't get anything, you will get the smell of it. The similitude of a bad companion is like the blacksmith's bellows; if you are not affected by its black dirt, you will be touched by its smoke."

Islam approves associating with individuals who have violated moral and social laws for the purpose of helping them through beneficial guidance. Friends of the right path father and discuss what is beneficial, but not vain. Friends love the souls and smells of their friends. Friends sympathies with their friends and they comfort each other. Friends exert each other toward piety and righteous deeds. Nabiy Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Waalihi Wa Salam) said,"Fear Allah and help each other for the sake of Allah. Have mercy upon each other. Visit each other and remember our matter and keep it alive."

However, one who keeps company for the sake of helping a friend, would have fulfilled the rights of companionship in the worthiest manner. It is reported,"When someone observes a friend taking a wrong and sinful course and, while possessing the capacity to restrain him, does not do so out of indifference, he has actually betrayed his friend."

Today, in this world of ignorance and personal desires, there are few who keep their friendship. Hence, everyone should be careful in choosing friends, and study the character of those with whom they wish to develop terms of friendship.

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Creating an ISLAMIC HOME

The home, in Islam, is known to be heaven on earth – a sanctuary to rest and relax away from the congestion of crowds, pollution, traffic jams and noise. Unfortunately, because many Muslims are busy in the outdoors, the home becomes the neglected child, often an unruly dumping grounds of groceries, schoolbags and dirty clothes. Here are a few ways to create an Islamic environment in the comfort of your own home.

Freshen up the House and Tidy Up
There is nothing like a well ventilated house. Open up the windows and allow the fresh air to infiltrate your home. Take the weekend off to do this and start decluttering the shelves, boxes and drawers around your living room, dining, kitchen and bedrooms. Throwing things away allows you to concentrate on the activities that matter most, and more importantly, makes room for storage. Only keep the items you need and find ways to keep the floor clean of any clutter – this means find a storage place for your books, toys, crockery and picture frames. Hang up all your clocks. A tidier home is inevitably a more relaxing home.

Clean up the House
Once you have managed to dispose of the bin liners, it is time to really clean up the house. Dust, vacuum, sweep and mop the floors. Wash all the bed linens, curtains and give the carpets a good beating. If you are going green, which is highly recommended, ditch the chemical-based products and use natural cleaners such as water, vinegar and baking soda to give your home a good scrub.
A clean house is a more Islamic home as cleanliness is said to be half of faith. Once you have a clean house, it will be easier to pray at home, since you know the floor is clean.

Add Natural Elements to your Home
A good way to keep in touch with God is to keep in touch with nature. Add houseplants and pots of flowers to your house. This will give your home a breath of fresh air and allow you to enjoy the beauty of nature. Create a rock garden or buy an acquairium with your favourite fish. Keeping in touch with natural elements will help you unwind at the end of a long hectic day.

Let the Qur'an Play
Qur'anic verses have a special effect on those who listen to them. Give you CD player a dust and arrange your Qur'anic CDs on a nearby rack. Let the verses play throughout the day and enjoy the benefits just by listening to them. Alternatively, various Muslim nasheed artists such as Sami Yusuf, Native Deen, Yusuf Islam and Raihan will add to the Islamic atmosphere in your home.

Create Special Areas for the Family
The family is a cornerstone in Muslim society. Ensure that all areas of your home are conducive for you and your children to gather as a family. For example, ensure there is enough space in the living room to read together. The dining area should also be clean to faciliate proper meals. Lastly, make sure there is a big open space for congregation prayers.

Your family home is a special area in this world for you and your family. The home is said to be heaven on earth – as long as it is clean and uncluttered. It is easy to create an Islamic environment – and it is important as it will help you unwind and will allow you to spend valuable time as a family.

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Before you regret

Occasionally a person faces various physical and spiritual sorrows and troubles in the world. Amongst these are feelings so intense that they cannot be compared with any other physical pain. This feeling that causes such great distress in the human soul is a feeling called 'regret'.

There are two completely different forms of regret, however. The regret felt by people of faith and the regret that non-believers experience.
Believers are the people who have an absolute faith in the fact that events take place by God's Will, and whatever befalls them does so by God's Will. This explains their all-important distinctive attribute of putting their unyielding trust in God, at good times, in trouble or when they make a mistake. Upon making a mistake, a believer immediately repents with sincerity and hopes for God's forgiveness. As a result, he does not suffer from a distressful and long-lived feeling of regret. The regret felt by believers urges them to ask for repentance, to purify themselves and prevents them from repeating this error. It helps them rectify their errors and prevents them from plunging into a distressful and pessimistic mood. Moreover, this regret does not reduce their enthusiasm, devotion, or religious zeal nor does it drag them downward into a spiral of apprehension and depression.

Regret felt by disbelievers, on the other hand, is very distressing and constant, as they do not put their trust in God when they encounter a difficulty or commit a transgression. Throughout their lives, they often use phrases like "I wish I had not done this..." "I wish I had never said this...", and so on.

More importantly, they are subject to a much greater regret in the Hereafter. Those who lived a life apart from the religion (deen) in this world will regret every moment of their lives. They were warned before and invited to the straight path. They had enough time to contemplate and embrace the right way. Yet they did not listen when they were warned, ignoring the Hereafter as if they would never die. Then in the Hereafter, they will have no chance to get back to this world and correct their errors. In the Qur'an, their regretful expressions are related as follows:

We have warned you of an imminent punishment on the Day when a man will see what he has done, and the disbeliever will say, 'Oh, if only I were dust!' (Surat an-Naba': 40)

If only you could see when they are standing before the Fire and saying, 'Oh! If only we could be sent back again, we would not deny the Signs of our Lord and we would be among the believers.' (Surat al-An'am: 27)

They will say:

They will say, 'If only we had really listened and used our intellect, we would not have been Companions of the Blaze.' (Surat al-Mulk: 10)

Keep in mind that that day no one's regret will save him from God's wrath. The only way to avoid this regret is to submit to God while there is still time and to comply with the commands of God.

Respond to your Lord before a Day comes from God which cannot be turned back. On that Day you will have no hiding-place and no means of denial. (Surat ash-Shura: 49)

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RAISING OUR CHILD WITH GOOD ISLAMIC VALUES

Children are easily influenced by their surroundings. These days, it is extremely difficult to expose our children to an ideal Islamic environment given the influences from media, friends and even other members of the family.
With television, radio, Internet and forms of media mostly touting un-Islamic values, it is up to parents and adults close to the children to set the correct example.

It is impossible to shield our children from all the negative forces that can shape their minds and, ultimately, their behavior.
However, by our own example and showing them better options, we can set them on the true path, which is to obey the commandments of Allah (swt) and our Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him).

Here are some tips you may want to follow in helping your children grow up with Islamic values.

1. Start by teaching them the importance of Worshipping only Allah: The best thing any Muslim parent could ever teach their children is to emphasize, from the day they can comprehend, that Allah (swt) is One and no one is worthy of worship except Allah (swt). This is the fundamental message of our Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) and it is our key to Paradise.

2. Treat them kindly: Kindness begets kindness. If we were kind to our children, they in turn would show kindness to others. Our Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) was the best example in being kind to children.

3. Teach them examples of Muslim heroes: Instead of Batman or Superman, tell them about real heroes such as Abu Bakr, Umar ibn Khattab, Othman bin Affan, Ali bin Abi Talib and others. Tell them how Muslim leaders brought a real peaceful change in the world and won the hearts of Muslims and non-Muslims alike.

4. Let children sit with adults: It is preferable for children to be among adults, especially when listening to Islamic lectures. The Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) would often put children in the front row when he spoke to the people.

5. Make them feel important: Consult them in family matters. Let them feel they are important members of the family and have a part to play in the growth and well being of the family.

6. Go out as a family: Take family trips rather than allowing your children to always go out only with their friends. Let your children be around family and friends from whom you want them to pick up their values. Always remember that your children will become who they are around with most of the time. So, watch their company and above all give them YOUR company.

7. Praise them: Praise is a powerful tool with children, especially in front of others. Children feel a sense of pride when their parents’ praise them and will be keen to perform other good deeds. However, praise must be limited to Islamic deeds and deeds of moral value.

8. Avoid humiliation: Similarly, do not humiliate them in front of others. Children make mistakes. Sometimes, these mistakes occur in their efforts to please the parents. If you are unhappy with your children, tell them in private.

9. Sports: The Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) encouraged sports such as swimming, running and horse riding. Other sports that build character and physical strength are also recommended, as long as the children maintain their Islamic identity, wear appropriate clothes and do not engage in unnecessary mixing.

10. Responsibility: Have faith in their abilities to perform tasks. Give them chores to do in line with their age. Convince them that they are performing an important function and you will find them eager to help you out again.

11. Don’t spoil them: Children are easily spoiled. If they receive everything they ask for, they will expect you to oblige on every occasion. Be wise in what you buy for them. Avoid extravagance and unnecessary luxuries. Take them to an orphanage or poor area of your city once in a while so they can see how privileged they are.

12. Don’t be friends: It is common in the West for parents to consider their children as friends. In Islam, it doesn’t work that way. If you have ever heard how friends talk to each other, then you will know that this is not how a parent-child relationship should be. You are the parents, and they should respect you, and this is what you should be teaching them. The friendship part should be limited to you and them keeping an open dialog so they can share their concerns with you and ask you questions when they have any.

13. Pray with them: Involve them in acts of worship. When they are young, let them see you in act of salaah (salat). Soon, they would be trying to imitate you. Wake them up for Fajr and pray as a family. Talk to them about the rewards of salaah so that it doesn’t feel like a burden to them.

14. Emphasize halaal: It is not always good to say “this is haraam, that is haraam”. While you must educate them on haraam things, Islam is full of halaal and tell your children to thank Allah (swt) for the bounties He has bestowed on them- not just for food and clothes. Tell them to be thankful for having eyes that see, ears that hear, arms and legs and, the ultimate blessing, Islam in their hearts.

15. Set an example: As parents, you are the best example the children can have. If you talk to your parents rudely, expect your children to do the same to you. If you are disrespectful to others, your children will follow too. Islam is filled with Divine advice on the best ways to bring up your children. That makes it an obligation upon parents to be good Muslims so their children will try to emulate them. If you don’t take Islam seriously, neither will your children. It goes back to our third point, which is to give them Islamic heroes. As a parent, you should be their number one hero.

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Friendship: The Medicine Of Life

“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing…not healing, not curing…that is a friend who cares.” - Henri Nouwen

Friendship is an art. We are born into families but we must cultivate our friends. A true friend is priceless- someone you can call when you are confused, have a problem, or when you are excited and want to celebrate. Sometimes we need a friend to listen and not fix our problems or advise us with the best solution. Yet, how many people have someone in their life who will listen and love unconditionally without an ulterior motive; without asking for anything in return; someone whose own spirit is lifted by allowing you to share your dreams, worries, fears, confusion, anger, and other emotions.

This is rare in today’s society, because we are in a hurry and listening takes time.
Like doctors, we want to give our friend a solution. Often we don’t want a solution; we just want to talk it out. A true healer will listen until they don’t exist so the other person can come up with their own solution, but this takes time.
You may have a “ton of friends,” but how many of your friendships are open and unreserved allowing you both to expose your soul and unleash your feelings and emotions without fear. You are fortunate if among the multitudes of people you know, you have one or two trusting friends who will be there for you even when they don’t understand you.

Cultivating friendship takes time and thought and the ability to give and to forgive. It is the desire to want to be in a relationship with another human being for no other reason than the healing energy of knowing you can count on that person and they can count on you in life when it is challenging or when it is exciting. This kind of friendship is the best medicine.

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AVOID CURSING EACH OTHER

Muslims should neither curse nor imprecate each other with words such as, ‘May the Curse of Allah be upon you,’ or ‘I wish you to burn in Hell-fire,’ etc.

‘Do not curse one another, invoking curse of Allah or Wrath of Allah or the fire of Hell.’ [Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhee]

To curse a Muslim is akin to killing him. Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam) said, ‘Cursing a believer is like murdering him.’ [Agreed upon]The act of cursing is such that one who does it can himself become a recipient of it.

Narrated Abu Darda (radhi allahu anhu), ‘Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam) said, ‘When a person curses (La’nah; to ask that something be deprived of Allah’s Mercy) somebody or something, the curse goes up to the heaven and the gates of the heaven are closed. Then it comes down to the earth and its gates are closed. Then it turns right and left, and if it does not find an entrance to go anywhere, it returns to the person or thing that was cursed, if he or it deserves to be cursed; otherwise, it returns to the person, who uttered it.’

[Abu Dawood]Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam) also warned, ‘Those who frequently resort to cursing would neither be accepted as witnesses nor as intercessors on the Day of Resurrection.’ [Saheeh Muslim]

It is not allowed to curse, disgrace or humiliate even a sinner because in doing so, one helps the Shaytan, who is avowed to disgrace and humiliate Muslims before Allah.

Narrated Abu Hurayrah (radhi allahu anhu), ‘A drunkard was brought to the Prophet (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam). He (r) said, ‘Give him a beating.’ Then some beat him with their hands, some with their shoes, and some with (a folded) piece of cloth. When he left, someone said to him, ‘May Allah disgrace you!‘ The Prophet (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam) said, ‘Do not help Shaytan overcome him by uttering such words.’ [Saheeh al-Bukharee]

Moreover, it is incorrect to curse a sinner because perhaps, the person may have sought Istagfar (seek forgiveness for one’s sins) and Allah, the All-Forgiving, may have forgiven the person for his transgression.

It is related in Saheeh Muslim that during the time of Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam), when a woman was being punished for the sin of adultery, her blood spurted upon Khalid Ibn Waleed (radhi allahu anhu), who swore at her. Thereupon, the Prophet (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam) said, ‘Khalid, be gentle. By Him, in Whose Hand is my life, she has made such a repentance that even if a wrongful tax collector were to repent, he would have been forgiven.’ He (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam) then prayed over her and she was buried. Therefore, the right conduct would be to pray for his or her guidance and refrain from any critique, cursing or humiliation.

Even the deceased Muslims should not be censured or condemned for their wrongdoings, for, they have reached their end and they are receiving the return of their deeds in the Hereafter. Aa’isha (radhi allahu anha) narrated, ‘The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam) said, ‘Do not abuse the dead, because they have attained that which they had forwarded (i.e., their deeds, good or bad).’ [Saheeh al-Bukharee]

Taunting is prohibited
Taunting is to insult, reproach mockingly or disgrace someone, for e.g. with reference to his lineage, appearance or shortcoming. Narrated Ibn Mas’ood (radhi allahu anhu), ‘Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam) said, ‘A true believer is not involved in taunting, or frequently cursing or in indecency or abusing.” [At-Tirmidhee]Abusing is prohibited

Narrated Abu Hurayrah (radhi allahu anhu), ‘Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam) said, ‘When two persons indulge in abusing each other, the beginner will be the sinner, so long, as the oppressed does not transgress the limits.’ [Saheeh Muslim]

This Hadeeth tells us that if a Muslim abuses another and says unfair things about him and in return, the recipient also abuses him and says unfair things to the same extent, then the entire burden of the sin of abusing lies upon the person who initiated the quarrel. However, if the one, who is wronged, exceeds the limits in revenge, then he will also be guilty to the degree of his excess. Thus, even though, revenge is permissible, it is better to forgive and be patient

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HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY

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