RAISING OUR CHILD WITH GOOD ISLAMIC VALUES

Children are easily influenced by their surroundings. These days, it is extremely difficult to expose our children to an ideal Islamic environment given the influences from media, friends and even other members of the family.
With television, radio, Internet and forms of media mostly touting un-Islamic values, it is up to parents and adults close to the children to set the correct example.

It is impossible to shield our children from all the negative forces that can shape their minds and, ultimately, their behavior.
However, by our own example and showing them better options, we can set them on the true path, which is to obey the commandments of Allah (swt) and our Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him).

Here are some tips you may want to follow in helping your children grow up with Islamic values.

1. Start by teaching them the importance of Worshipping only Allah: The best thing any Muslim parent could ever teach their children is to emphasize, from the day they can comprehend, that Allah (swt) is One and no one is worthy of worship except Allah (swt). This is the fundamental message of our Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) and it is our key to Paradise.

2. Treat them kindly: Kindness begets kindness. If we were kind to our children, they in turn would show kindness to others. Our Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) was the best example in being kind to children.

3. Teach them examples of Muslim heroes: Instead of Batman or Superman, tell them about real heroes such as Abu Bakr, Umar ibn Khattab, Othman bin Affan, Ali bin Abi Talib and others. Tell them how Muslim leaders brought a real peaceful change in the world and won the hearts of Muslims and non-Muslims alike.

4. Let children sit with adults: It is preferable for children to be among adults, especially when listening to Islamic lectures. The Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) would often put children in the front row when he spoke to the people.

5. Make them feel important: Consult them in family matters. Let them feel they are important members of the family and have a part to play in the growth and well being of the family.

6. Go out as a family: Take family trips rather than allowing your children to always go out only with their friends. Let your children be around family and friends from whom you want them to pick up their values. Always remember that your children will become who they are around with most of the time. So, watch their company and above all give them YOUR company.

7. Praise them: Praise is a powerful tool with children, especially in front of others. Children feel a sense of pride when their parents’ praise them and will be keen to perform other good deeds. However, praise must be limited to Islamic deeds and deeds of moral value.

8. Avoid humiliation: Similarly, do not humiliate them in front of others. Children make mistakes. Sometimes, these mistakes occur in their efforts to please the parents. If you are unhappy with your children, tell them in private.

9. Sports: The Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) encouraged sports such as swimming, running and horse riding. Other sports that build character and physical strength are also recommended, as long as the children maintain their Islamic identity, wear appropriate clothes and do not engage in unnecessary mixing.

10. Responsibility: Have faith in their abilities to perform tasks. Give them chores to do in line with their age. Convince them that they are performing an important function and you will find them eager to help you out again.

11. Don’t spoil them: Children are easily spoiled. If they receive everything they ask for, they will expect you to oblige on every occasion. Be wise in what you buy for them. Avoid extravagance and unnecessary luxuries. Take them to an orphanage or poor area of your city once in a while so they can see how privileged they are.

12. Don’t be friends: It is common in the West for parents to consider their children as friends. In Islam, it doesn’t work that way. If you have ever heard how friends talk to each other, then you will know that this is not how a parent-child relationship should be. You are the parents, and they should respect you, and this is what you should be teaching them. The friendship part should be limited to you and them keeping an open dialog so they can share their concerns with you and ask you questions when they have any.

13. Pray with them: Involve them in acts of worship. When they are young, let them see you in act of salaah (salat). Soon, they would be trying to imitate you. Wake them up for Fajr and pray as a family. Talk to them about the rewards of salaah so that it doesn’t feel like a burden to them.

14. Emphasize halaal: It is not always good to say “this is haraam, that is haraam”. While you must educate them on haraam things, Islam is full of halaal and tell your children to thank Allah (swt) for the bounties He has bestowed on them- not just for food and clothes. Tell them to be thankful for having eyes that see, ears that hear, arms and legs and, the ultimate blessing, Islam in their hearts.

15. Set an example: As parents, you are the best example the children can have. If you talk to your parents rudely, expect your children to do the same to you. If you are disrespectful to others, your children will follow too. Islam is filled with Divine advice on the best ways to bring up your children. That makes it an obligation upon parents to be good Muslims so their children will try to emulate them. If you don’t take Islam seriously, neither will your children. It goes back to our third point, which is to give them Islamic heroes. As a parent, you should be their number one hero.

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Friendship: The Medicine Of Life

“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing…not healing, not curing…that is a friend who cares.” - Henri Nouwen

Friendship is an art. We are born into families but we must cultivate our friends. A true friend is priceless- someone you can call when you are confused, have a problem, or when you are excited and want to celebrate. Sometimes we need a friend to listen and not fix our problems or advise us with the best solution. Yet, how many people have someone in their life who will listen and love unconditionally without an ulterior motive; without asking for anything in return; someone whose own spirit is lifted by allowing you to share your dreams, worries, fears, confusion, anger, and other emotions.

This is rare in today’s society, because we are in a hurry and listening takes time.
Like doctors, we want to give our friend a solution. Often we don’t want a solution; we just want to talk it out. A true healer will listen until they don’t exist so the other person can come up with their own solution, but this takes time.
You may have a “ton of friends,” but how many of your friendships are open and unreserved allowing you both to expose your soul and unleash your feelings and emotions without fear. You are fortunate if among the multitudes of people you know, you have one or two trusting friends who will be there for you even when they don’t understand you.

Cultivating friendship takes time and thought and the ability to give and to forgive. It is the desire to want to be in a relationship with another human being for no other reason than the healing energy of knowing you can count on that person and they can count on you in life when it is challenging or when it is exciting. This kind of friendship is the best medicine.

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AVOID CURSING EACH OTHER

Muslims should neither curse nor imprecate each other with words such as, ‘May the Curse of Allah be upon you,’ or ‘I wish you to burn in Hell-fire,’ etc.

‘Do not curse one another, invoking curse of Allah or Wrath of Allah or the fire of Hell.’ [Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhee]

To curse a Muslim is akin to killing him. Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam) said, ‘Cursing a believer is like murdering him.’ [Agreed upon]The act of cursing is such that one who does it can himself become a recipient of it.

Narrated Abu Darda (radhi allahu anhu), ‘Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam) said, ‘When a person curses (La’nah; to ask that something be deprived of Allah’s Mercy) somebody or something, the curse goes up to the heaven and the gates of the heaven are closed. Then it comes down to the earth and its gates are closed. Then it turns right and left, and if it does not find an entrance to go anywhere, it returns to the person or thing that was cursed, if he or it deserves to be cursed; otherwise, it returns to the person, who uttered it.’

[Abu Dawood]Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam) also warned, ‘Those who frequently resort to cursing would neither be accepted as witnesses nor as intercessors on the Day of Resurrection.’ [Saheeh Muslim]

It is not allowed to curse, disgrace or humiliate even a sinner because in doing so, one helps the Shaytan, who is avowed to disgrace and humiliate Muslims before Allah.

Narrated Abu Hurayrah (radhi allahu anhu), ‘A drunkard was brought to the Prophet (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam). He (r) said, ‘Give him a beating.’ Then some beat him with their hands, some with their shoes, and some with (a folded) piece of cloth. When he left, someone said to him, ‘May Allah disgrace you!‘ The Prophet (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam) said, ‘Do not help Shaytan overcome him by uttering such words.’ [Saheeh al-Bukharee]

Moreover, it is incorrect to curse a sinner because perhaps, the person may have sought Istagfar (seek forgiveness for one’s sins) and Allah, the All-Forgiving, may have forgiven the person for his transgression.

It is related in Saheeh Muslim that during the time of Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam), when a woman was being punished for the sin of adultery, her blood spurted upon Khalid Ibn Waleed (radhi allahu anhu), who swore at her. Thereupon, the Prophet (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam) said, ‘Khalid, be gentle. By Him, in Whose Hand is my life, she has made such a repentance that even if a wrongful tax collector were to repent, he would have been forgiven.’ He (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam) then prayed over her and she was buried. Therefore, the right conduct would be to pray for his or her guidance and refrain from any critique, cursing or humiliation.

Even the deceased Muslims should not be censured or condemned for their wrongdoings, for, they have reached their end and they are receiving the return of their deeds in the Hereafter. Aa’isha (radhi allahu anha) narrated, ‘The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam) said, ‘Do not abuse the dead, because they have attained that which they had forwarded (i.e., their deeds, good or bad).’ [Saheeh al-Bukharee]

Taunting is prohibited
Taunting is to insult, reproach mockingly or disgrace someone, for e.g. with reference to his lineage, appearance or shortcoming. Narrated Ibn Mas’ood (radhi allahu anhu), ‘Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam) said, ‘A true believer is not involved in taunting, or frequently cursing or in indecency or abusing.” [At-Tirmidhee]Abusing is prohibited

Narrated Abu Hurayrah (radhi allahu anhu), ‘Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu aliahi wa-sallam) said, ‘When two persons indulge in abusing each other, the beginner will be the sinner, so long, as the oppressed does not transgress the limits.’ [Saheeh Muslim]

This Hadeeth tells us that if a Muslim abuses another and says unfair things about him and in return, the recipient also abuses him and says unfair things to the same extent, then the entire burden of the sin of abusing lies upon the person who initiated the quarrel. However, if the one, who is wronged, exceeds the limits in revenge, then he will also be guilty to the degree of his excess. Thus, even though, revenge is permissible, it is better to forgive and be patient

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HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY

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Mother’s Day :The Islamic Perspective – Honouring the Mother

”In Islam Each Day is Mother’s Day So Muslims Respect their Mother’s More than any Community of the World '

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Worship Allaah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al-Masaakeen (the poor), the neighbour who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess. Verily, Allaah does not like such as are proud and boastful” [al-Nisa' 4:36] And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him.

And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour” [al-Isra' 17:23] It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah, who among the people is most deserving of my good company?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Then your father.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5626; Muslim, 2548) Al- Haafiz ibn Hajar said: “Ibn Battaal said: what this means is that the mother should be honoured three times more than the father. He said, that is because of the difficulties of pregnancy, then giving birth, then breastfeeding.

These are hardships that are experienced only by the mother, then the father shares with her in raising the child. This is also referred to in the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): ‘And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years’ [Luqmaan 31:14]

So the recommendation to be dutiful and good refers to both parents, but the mother’s share is greater because of the three things mentioned above. Al-Qurtubi said: what is meant is that the mother deserves a greater share of her child’s honour, and her rights take precedence over those of the father in cases where a choice must be made. ‘Iyaad said: the majority of scholars were of the view that the mother takes precedence over the father in terms of honouring one’s parents.

And it was said that both must be honoured equally, and this was narrated by some from Maalik, but the former view is the one which is correct.” (Fath al-Baari, 10/402). Indeed, even if one’s mother is a mushrikah (polytheist), the wise and pure sharee’ah of Islam encourages one to uphold ties of kinship with her: It was narrated that Asma’ bint Abi Bakr (may Allaah be pleased with them both) said: “My mother came to visit me at the time of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and she was a mushrikah. I consulted the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), saying, ‘My mother has come to visit me for some purpose, should I uphold ties of kinship with my mother?’ He said, ‘Yes, uphold ties of kinship with your mother.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2477) It is extremely unfortunate that Muslims throughout the world have begun to adopt and practice western ideas and understanding when it comes to the quality of relationship between the mother and child.

For Muslims to begin to selfishly adopt a single day out of the whole year to express gratitude and show a materialistic form of affection. Islam has no need of things that are innovated by others, be it Mother’s Day of anything else. Its teachings on the honouring of mothers mean that it has no need for an innovated Mother’s Day. Standing Committee for Academic Research and Issuing Fatwas issued a statement: It is not permissible to celebrate the so-called Mother’s Day and similar innovated festivals because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever innovates something in this matter of ours (Islam) that is not part of it will have it rejected.” He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not celebrate Mother’s Day and neither did any of his companions (may Allaah be pleased with them) or the salaf (earliest generations) of this ummah. Rather it is an innovation (bid’ah) and imitation of the non Muslims.

Muslims should be aware that honouring and showing sincere affection and gratitude to the mother is a full time duty that should be practiced each and everyday of ones life, to merely set aside a single day and feel you have fulfilled their rights is a gross misconduct to the parents and the teachings of the Prophets (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). “And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the final destination” [Luqmaan 31:14] And Allaah knows best.

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